WAKING UP

jasmine white flower isolated on white backgroundSharing an expanded version of my response to a query a few months ago by Jim Palmer:  I believe the query was related to the wake up call within?

My kick awake occurred four years ago when the body I inhabit collapsed and essentially said “No more of THIS , this driving me through the messages I’m sending you. I don’t know what to do with the conflicting messages you are giving me. I. Am. Done.”

At that time I was unapologetically un-affiliated with christianity.   I hated it.  I hated [still do] what organized religion stood for . I had never deeply investigated … I simply hated, resented and reacted out of that. I tried not to.

Then I had a “come-back-to-Jesus” moment … a long moment … a necessary spiraling back into that place so disliked.   My driving dream and focus has been One Love One Life One Heart One Dance …. Turns out that’s not possible when I am hating a whole people group …

And as I have done my investigating, I seem to be landing [once again] “outside” the christian camp [ we are never really outside any camp are we ] For the past two &  a half years, I have been retracing the core negative beliefs in my that have blocked my access to True Love [aka God] to their activating point in my lifetime, in my existence and neutralizing them.

Deprogramming and reprogramming. Holy moly … it is not taking me where I thought it would.    I am landing in a very compassionate place …  the oldest daughter of two devout fundamentalist missionaries to Japan now in their 80’s and waiting to die so they can go to heaven [  ] It is good to be in compassionate place … I would like to say that in the process of deprogamming the fundamentalist beliefs, that I made peace with the god of the church …

And, that is simply not it … Instead, I opened up to more and more questions, answers, more questions … answers and even more questions.

There is a Knowing that has stopped being negotioable.  I no longer choose to engage in debate about that which the I Am within continues to open me to.

And compassion.  Deep compassion …

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