Revisited this post http://carriewilkerson.com/1007/what-is-your-latest-victory/ today after physical therapy , HaHa:) Good move on my part, that revisit. I am in the nitty gritty phase of retraining my body to balance and walk in a straight line after 3 orthopedic surgeries in the last 15 months. Add to that some underlying neurologic things which until I know for absolute certain will let them remain “things” 🙂
I came home, laid down on my exersise mat to stretch my back and cried. Cried. Overwhelm after PT. Tried to laugh in the middle of the tears and it was not so convincing … did it anyway because it is good practice, laughing while I cry. It reminds me to lighten up as I release the tears. It reminds me that God laughs at the things of life that are meant to stop us, to set us back.
It is so easy to focus on what is not yet back after a session where we purposely go after the weakness so as to build it and retrain the brain body connection. It feels like I have been in this holding place for so long … 16 months next week … That easy focus is deadly. That easy focus is not my friend, not my ally. The words and thoughts of disappointment, and not yet, when, HOW LONG?? directed at the body that just worked so hard are not productive and I would go so far as to say they are detrimental. Two weeks ago, I stepped onto a treadmill for the first time in a very long time …THAT is a win. At first all I could think of was what I used to be able to do on the treadmill … but … wait a minute … I am ON it. I am not falling as I put one foot in front of the other. Hmmm … did I see that coming? A bigger win! It will be fun to see what happens the next time I hop onto that no longer intimidating machine!
It takes concentration to focus on what I can do this time after 2 weeks of practice that I couldn’t do last session. I can walk in a straight line for a longer interval. I can take 4 steps forward with my eyes closed, and then 4 steps backwards with my eyes closed AND maintain my balance. HeHe … I can walk the heel to toe straight line further … (still wouldn’t pass the drunk test if it depended on that so good thing I don’t ingest alcohol:)
My body is my partner in this healing process … and it responds so much better to applause, appreciation … hehe … CELEBRATION!!! than hammer mode. When I treat it like the partner that it is with respect and kind words, it responds in kind … there is less tension, the muscles around areas of pain relax their hold, pain lessens. When I don’t push it beyond its limit, it learns that it can trust me.
Celebrate the little wins … every day … they add up. I notice that one day, “all of a sudden” I am doing something bigger, more noticeable, that felt impossible a few weeks ago. Progress is one baby step at a time …. and there is so much JOY in celebrating the little wins!